You
may remember that great line of encouragement from our then
vice-president, Al "I'm-Not Going-to-Run" Gore. But don't
get too carried away laughing. Remember he was the understudy of the
champion word wangler for eight years who gave us the infamous,
"Well, it all depends on what is, is." (Bill
"Have-a-cigar" Clinton) No wonder Al was able to declaim
other great statements like, "It isn't pollution that's harming the
environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing
it." Of course all the "astuteness of articulation"
is not on the left. These two were followed by the present
"phrase reformer" who said, "It's no exaggeration to say
that the undecided could go one way or another." Yes sir, that
just may happen.
I wonder why they talk this way. It must be the town water supply
that is the source of this wizardry of words and not simple
swimmy-headedness from the altitudinousness of the office.
Washington offers up another great canard with, "Outside of the
killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the
country." (D.C. Mayor, Marion "Give-me-another-toke" Barry)
I guess that is a positive point one could make about D.C., if one lives
long enough to discuss it.
This is caused by the patterns of though that all politicians share. (Some
would argue this, but don't do it now, I'm on a roll) It also causes
them to do some other things, in front of us common folks, that are
outrageously stupid and not always funny. Like what JE$$E JACK$ON
pulled a while back. He appointed former Socialist-Democrat
Congressman Mel Reynolds to leadership in his Rainbow/Push Coalition.
You remember this guy. He is one of the 176 criminals pardoned by
Clinton in the last minute "buy-all-the-friends-you-can"
stampede of 2000. Reynolds was involved in all that wire fraud
stuff. And then their was the little matter of a concurrent sentence
of five years for having sex with an underage campaign volunteer. (I
wonder if he is registered as a sex offender in his neighborhood?)
Yes! You heard right! An ex-congressman who had sex with a
subordinate, won clemency from a president who had sex with a subordinate
and then was hired by a (clergyman ?) who had sex with a subordinate.
"What is his new job?" you ask. Youth Counselor!
And they would dare to have anything to say concerning what Trent Lott or
Strom Thurmond ever said or stood for? And America will not speak
out against this pretense of virtue and hackneyed bigotry. If
America, lets this go by -- allows these contemptible people to continue
their lives without public reprimand, we deserve whatever we get.
In other news, some of you may have seen this. A friend of mine
passed it on to me. A major research institution has discovered the
heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element, for
now, has been named, "GOVERNMENTIUM."
GOVERNMENTIUM has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and
11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an "atomic mess" of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
GOVERNMENTIUM has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected and it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
The most minute amount of GOVERNMENTIUM can cause one reaction to take
four to six weeks to complete when it would normally take less than one
second.
GOVERNMENTIUM has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but
every four years undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientist to speculate
that GOVERNMENTIUM is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
"Critical Morass". You will know it when you encounter it.
I don't know for sure, but I think we're there.
